“I hid children like chickens in a cage. I did not allow them to be independent. My mother-in-law decided that I was failing them” – taken from real life

Photo: Adobe Stock, yavdat

Outside the window it became clear. I put the cloth aside thinking that if I don’t go to the playground with the kids in a dozen minutes or so, we’ll once again lose the hour of sunshine you can count on on a November day.

– Maja, Cuba, get dressed! I screamed towards the living room. – We’re going to the field!

I heard grunt resentment. Well, 11-year-old Maja has been complaining for a long time that she was bored in the field, and her 10-year-old brother was just starting to imitate her. Well, I had to admit that two swings, a slide, a sandbox, and a climbing wall weren’t enough to keep the kids their age entertained, but I wanted them to be at least a bit outdoors.

Another stage of negotiations took place before the bloc. My kids wanted to play hide and seek, pointing impatiently to the top of the boards in front of the closed shop, tin garages and wild brush. I refused. What if there was a drug addict or model hiding in these woods or behind garages? They winked for a moment, then saddened their faces as they sat on the hammocks. felt bad – I try here, they are clearly bored.

Mom, can we go home now? – Cuba could not stand it. – What should I do here?

– Play outdoors – I replied.

His nose wrinkled.

So maybe we can ride bikes with Maja?

I promised we’d ride on Saturday, all together – When I get it Your two-wheeled car from the basement. He asked in tears why it was only Saturday And why can’t they drive around the property on their own.

I shook my head anxiously. Why and why? Because they are children, and if someone assaults them or attacks them, God forbid, they will not be able to deal with him! They can be robbed, beaten and even kidnapped! Little is heard of such cases – about a girl who was attacked by a madman with an axe or about a gay child killer who was released from prison because he had served his sentence and then was killed again? There is no words I should leave to my children alone!

Like I wanted to do everything myself

In the evening, my mother-in-law called and asked if Maja would like to bake a plum cake with her tomorrow. My daughter loves her grandmother, so she really refused with a sad heart. I did an interview and didn’t have time to bring in a maga. And so I had to ask my brother to take care of the children in my absence.

– Mom, is this a grandmother? – Maja ran to the room. – Shall we go to her tomorrow?

I explained to her that her grandmother had already invited her, but that we would not be able to reach her. In fairness, I added a mention of plum mixture and then My daughter urged me to let her go alone.

– It’s only one bus stop! – I argued.

– Anyway, I can walk and I promise to be careful on the belts!

I didn’t even think of that possibility. Maja is too young to walk alone in the street.

Why is it so difficult? Why, until recently, was it not enough to tell the kids that I’m not letting something go and get it over with? “Because They are growing up and want more freedom– It ran through my head. And another voice added: “But she is still too young to be responsible for herself.”

I remembered what it was like when I was a teenager and wanted to do everything my own way. I lived in a residential property and after school I did not go to the common room, but to the yard. I hung from the beater for hours, and during the rain I was playing hide and seek on the stairs of skyscrapers. My parents were at work at the time, and both of my friends were running around their necks with a wrench, and no one saw it as “neglecting my education.”

Sometimes someone hits himself because he fell from a swing, sometimes he cuts himself or a neighbor shouts at him, but in fact Nothing bad happened. It is a pity that times have changed and children can no longer play alone in front of the house …

The next day, I woke up early because it was an intense day ahead. I invited the kids for breakfast several times, but they stayed as usual. I was afraid to be late.

– Faster – Fast! I would wander into the kitchen, alternately threatening and begging. – Oh, my God, I won’t do that!

In fact, I’ll have to leave Within four minutes so you don’t have to wait. In this case, I was left with only one choice: to call Philip and beg him not only in the afternoon but also now and take the children to school. Dear brother, he promised to be there in a quarter of an hour. Shutting the door, I heard Maja say to Koba:

– I do not understand at all, Why should uncle take us down! After all, we know where to stop and how to validate the ticket …

“It’s the same thing again,” I was exasperated. – They want to go around the city by themselves, and what will they do when a drunk person gets on the bus and collides? Or crazy? No, there is nothing to risk. It is better if they are under the care of their uncle, even if they do not like it.

Was there other times?

In the evening, at the parent meeting, the Kuba teacher told us that from next week, the schedule will change, and on Fridays, class will not end until 5 pm.

– To no avail – Casper’s mother muttered, sitting with Cuba in one seat. – Kacper will only have fifteen minutes to get dressed and drive to the pool, which is five stops. I don’t know how he would do that.

Casper goes to the pool alone? – I became interested.

“Yes, since last year,” she nodded. – And on Tuesday he takes his sister from kindergarten, takes her to her grandmother, and then goes to training.

My eyes were like five zlotys. Is this woman really leaving two children, one of whom is five years old, on the street?! What irresponsibility! What an aura and a lack of imagination! After all, Kacper is only ten years old! How could he bear such a responsibility?

At home, Philip was waiting for me in his shoes. He was in a hurry to see the girl. I put thirty zlotys in his books and asked him if he could take the children on Friday, because I had to go to the passport office. shook his head.

Sorry, sister, but I’m leaving for the weekend.

Cursed from under my breath.

– Can’t you ask your grandmother? He asked in reference to my mother-in-law, of course, because our parents live four hundred kilometers away.

Ha! This idea came to me a long time ago, only … Mikhail’s mother was a wonderful and warm woman and would certainly be happy to help me, but I didn’t want to ask her. I felt I would make a mistake. why? Because she raised six children without However, nannies, grandmothers and aunts help – As promised to Micah – her husband In his life he did not help with household chores. Yes, her mother-in-law was a tough, self-sufficient woman, and she definitely does not agree with the fact that I can only handle two children.

I couldn’t admit to her that I wasn’t dealing with her. Unfortunately, Maja did it for me. She thought that if I couldn’t bring her to her grandmother after school, she would ask her grandmother to do so. To that end, I borrowed a phone from someone and called me. I did not answer, so I called her grandmother’s number, and decided that she would notify me after the incident.

I was almost at the school door when my mother-in-law called to say Maja and Kuba were at her house. When I came to pick them up in the evening, it turned out that Maja had repeated my morning conversation with Uncle Philip, telling her that she and Cuba were old enough to go home alone after school, and my mother “I don’t know why you’re doing this circus.”

I felt faint. I saw that my mother-in-law had some comments about it, and I was upset with depression. Indeed, Mikhai’s mother confirmed that Maja was right. After all, she is already in the fifth grade, and my mother-in-law’s children not only returned from school on their own, but also traveled to the city in bakyas.

But those were different times! I instinctively needed. – I also played on my own in the yard, but then …

– so what? – You get my word. – Do you think it was safer than today? That there were no thieves or pedophiles? Crazy drivers on the roads? Teasing drunk kids? Well, they were, only information about them didn’t spread that fast! But you had to somehow live.”

For the first time, I seriously thought about it. The truth is that news spreads online like wildfire, and television scares us with every issue of the news. But it seemed to me The crime was much lessAnd I said that out loud. It was safer on the streets and in the yard.

– yes? Her mother-in-law took her hips. – And you know I remember something else? Andzia used to blow in the woods against a pervert, and she didn’t lose many shoes. Their fellow hooligans stole the bike and I don’t know how many times my boys said someone had run into them, and wanted to take a ball or a ball. and what? Do you think I’m a bad mother because I let them go on my own? your parents too?

– Is it my mom who thinks I should let Maja and Kuba go around town alone? – I asked full of doubts.

– Definitely. Otherwise, you will make them fail. They will not do anything themselves, because they will not be able to.

Michai’s mother extended her hands to indicate that this was my decision, but she likes it very much. We discussed the way from school to her home for a while. A luminous sidewalk, shops everywhere, a lot of people… You promised me that I’d think about it.

At home, I went online and The search for crime statistics began in our country. What happened? That we have the most peaceful period since post-war times! The number of serious crimes decreased by several percent compared to my childhood years.

Kidnappings are extremely rare, but the media elicits a sense that when we look at children playing alone, we only think of those who have gone missing, not the thousands who go home safely each day, happy and full of oxygen. For those parents who let them play outside on their own, ride bikes with their friends or collect chestnuts in the garden without adult help. About kids like Kacper from the Kuba class, who has come home with his little sister for a year and nothing bad has happened to him yet…

The comparison came to mind with chicken. There are free-running ones and those closed in cages. Nobody somehow believes that cages are better than free breeding. Why don’t we treat our children the same way?

When my mother-in-law called the next day to ask if I would allow the children on this short trip from school to her home, I decided to agree.

– But only for trial! – I’m booked, preparing the kids for this defining moment. “You’re only supposed to cross the street on driveways, not talk to any strangers, and go straight to Grandma’s house, okay?”

They answered in a bored tone at the same time: “Yes, Mom.”

At 6 pm I called my mother-in-law and discovered – to unimaginable relief – that my children had arrived safely, healthy and proud of themselves. Both were happy that they survived their first “adult” flight and that they made it. Perhaps it was their pride and the sudden increase in their confidence that convinced me that it was worth going crazy with anxiety during that half hour.

Because I was crazy and how! I have been to more than a dozen black scenarios in my imagination and almost had a heart attack. But I understand that too My fear can’t limit them. After all, they have to learn to live on their own someday. Only in this way will they grow up and learn to deal with different situations on their own.

Now I’m standing in the kitchen cooking broth. Occasionally I just look out the window, behind which Maja and Koba are enjoying the spring sunshine. They went out with their friends to the yard. Sometimes they just disappear up a hill and I lose sight of them, but somehow I stopped being afraid. They are really old now. And reasonable. I have to be rational too.

Read also:
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