My greatest sin is not that I made a mistake and cheated on the person I care about most in the world. I was guilty of fear and the fact that I couldn’t admit the fault of a nightmare in my life.
with Patricia We got married right after graduation. She began working as a German language teacher – as an editor in a small newspaper. We’ve been together for twenty-five years, and we had a silver wedding last year. We have two adult children, and our daughter is still living with us and transferring to university. When two people know each other for as long as Patricia and I have, they know absolutely everything about each other, and know their little beliefs and quirks. But the sad truth is that over the years, marriage has withered and shed tears, becoming more like a Sisyphus rock than a boulder.
You have to beware that bad habits do not take root, and that good habits are repeated as often as possible. I’m sorry to say that Patricia and I ignored the warnings and let her do it The thing that alone is slowly starting to disintegrate. And, as with many marriages, the culmination was infidelity.
I thought she would ask for money
I never thought that something ordinary would happen to me. But this is what it looks like: you are in a bad mood after another quarrel with your wife, you are at work for a long time, you meet a friend, you start talking and from word to word you realize that you both want to. You need it. But then there is only regret and embarrassment.
I do not and have never tried to make excuses. You made an obvious mistake and I immediately realized my stupidity. However, I didn’t feel strong enough to tell my wife what happened between me and Monica. It’s strange, but in that moment – when I realized that my marriage might be ending – I realized that I still loved Patrycja, and that I wanted to take care of what we had. Because there may not be a second chance for love.
Unfortunately, my brother Marek found out by chance about the whole thing. At Christmas Eve dinner, he borrowed my phone, found some obscure texts, and added two and two. Although he did not have the right to read my private messages, he showed no remorse. He just said to me right when we went out to smoke:
– I know about Monica.
Perhaps he was shooting at the curtain and then exploring the ground. But my reaction must have told him everything he needed. I begged him to shut up and asked him what he wanted. I expected him to ask for money. Marek had been unscrupulous since he was a child, earning little–even compared to me, living on a teacher’s salary and tutoring privately on weekends. He borrowed a dime several times, never repaying it.
But this time he smiled faintly and said:
– I will teach you, brother. I will tell you …
I should have guessed right away that it wasn’t good.
Marek decided to reveal the cards after the Christmas holidays. The message I read on the phone screen was short: “If you don’t want Patricia to know everything, come see me at 5 p.m.” After school I left school and went straight to my brother.
Marek Opening the door with a smile. He didn’t even invite me in, he just asked me, leaning on the threshold:
– Do you remember that picture from your vacation in Międzyzdroje? When did your pants fall to your knees, just when Patricia shot the shutter?
I blinked in surprise, but nodded:
– I definitely remember.
– You will send them, by chance, to all your students.
I stood in the cage for a long time with my mouth open, not understanding what he meant. A bomb could go off right in front of my ear, and I probably wouldn’t have acted.
– Do you understand me? Make sure Marcus. The handle has not been released this entire time.
“But… but why?” – I faltered.
– Because if you don’t, Patrycja will know about your “friend”. Because.
And shut the door in my face.
I was sick of it
I came home in a bad mood with this feeling I found myself between a hammer and an anvil. It was important to me that my actions not be revealed. Not now anyway. Since I cheated on my wife, I have been appreciating more and more every day for what you did for me. Is that true. We even started talking about books again before going to bed like we used to.
We read the chapter beside the night lamps – I was a detective story, usually doing something classic – and then we turned off the lights and summed up what happened in the pages of the novel. It seems like nothing – just as if we were reading two books at the same time. But the mere fact that the story was told to you by the other person turned it into an intimate experience.
On the other hand, my students were at such an age that they did not forgive mistakes easily. And This is what Mark wanted. Let me experience the humiliation From a group of teenagers. Half of the teacher’s bare ass is not a tragedy yet, I will put up with it, but there will certainly be some consequences, conversations with the administration, not to mention jokes during the lesson. Jesus, how could I be so stupid as to get myself into such a scandal?
But I had to put up with it. for Patricia. At least a few weeks before I have the courage to tell her the truth. That’s why that evening I wrote an email to my friends, then I marked “2B Class” in the recipient field and clicked send. It didn’t feel like a weight fell on my shoulders, but at least it was above my head. For some time.
For the next month, he did not leave the students and They laughed at every opportunity behind my back Or during a break they drew their noses on the board. It was better than the breakdown of my marriage, so I humbly endured my penances. However, Marek got bored faster than the young man and after less than two weeks he came up with another humiliating task for me. Then something else and more, until I completely stopped recognizing my brother.
Where did this anger come from? Did he really enjoy walking around in pajama pants, or stubbornly asking a salesman in a computer store what the Internet was like, as if you were born in the Middle Ages? never I didn’t think blackmail could be so petty and childish. Sometimes he would walk behind me and take pictures! As if insulting his brother was Mark’s new hobby.
I think he was just a sick man. But he was holding me in my hand.
This measure was worn on Easter. I dreamed of spending my free time with my family. My son and his wife came to visit, Patricia and our daughter were baking mazurkas, and I finally had a moment of respite from lessons, pedagogical councils, and parent-teacher meetings. Unfortunately, Marek decided to invite himself for Christmas. At first I had hoped that if we had a drink I would somehow beg him to let him go, but none of that.
He came prepared. He had a whole list of tasks to do: he wanted me to convince one of the children that he was adopted, or pour a bucket of water on my daughter-in-law – on Sunday! – He hid his memory of failure. However, the dumbest was left to the end. He told me to pee in my pants during Easter breakfast!
“I won’t,” she tied.
– You say your bladder is obstructing. I want to see him when we sit down at the table or… Poor Patricia – He made a sad face – Well, she will have to deal with a broken heart. Twenty-five years later…
“You pig,” he exclaims, and I clench my fist. Sick pig!
At this point, the family entered the living room.
My blood was boiling in my veins. I had enough. As soon as I saw Patricia standing in the doorway – my lovely and adorable wife, carrying a hot bun through oven mitts – I felt very determined. I knew I had to finally act like a real man.
I grabbed Mark by the collar and threw him out of the house. He protested and snarled and threatened, but I didn’t budge. Even the family’s stunned cries didn’t stop me. I left him on the doorstep, threw my shoes and jacket behind him, and shut the door, hoping I would never see his evil mouth again. Then she apologized to everyone, escorted Patricia to the bedroom and explained the whole situation. As I should have done a long time ago. It wasn’t an easy conversation, but I had to make it.
Now, of course, I’m paying for my mistake. For treason, not to admit the truth. I postpone it unnecessarily. Perhaps I felt that all the humiliating things that Marek brought me belonged to me because of what I had done? Our marriage is going through very difficult times at the moment. I still don’t know if my wife will forgive me, sometimes it’s better, sometimes it’s worse – like in a long-term relationship. But the wounds are at least healed and not granular. I would do anything to save our love. After all, no one tells stories in books in the evening so beautifully as she does.
“Solo motherhood without a driver’s license was a nightmare. We spent whole days on buses because my dad didn’t feel like it”
“For years I have been explaining to myself that my wife is the cause of my aggression. The bitter truth only came to me in court.”
“My aunt made me hell on earth. First, she made me on a whim, now a bitch sends me to my family”