- Our conversations often lead to disagreements and misunderstandings.
- Conflicts can be avoided by following the motto “Better to be right than in a relationship.”
- In order not to lead to unnecessary tensions, it is worth talking more about your feelings.
How do you talk to avoid disagreement? Is it a good way to avoid difficult topics they might be sharing? – The best way out of the situation in face-to-face and online communications is to trust yourself and know that it is a conversation, not a discussion – says the psychologist Dr. Beata Mazurek-Kucharska With WSB University in Warsaw in an interview with Radio Jedynka. The goal is not to impress someone, but to build a sense of trust, exchange opinions and moods, and listen carefully. I get the impression that sometimes we want to impress or inform someone. The essence is the ability to talk and get to know each other and bring trust and peace. To be able to speak for myself and not just about the world – he adds Mazurek-Kucharska.
Is it better to be right or a relationship?
In conversations with others, many people feel an internal impulse to convince the interlocutor of their arguments. It would be good to distinguish between we want to be right or a relationship. Do we want to attract someone to our side or discuss our position on this matter. You can have different opinions, yet respect yourself, like you, admire yourself. Sometimes we get the impression that in the conversation we want to win someone over to our side, it’s a fight. The gist, in my opinion, is to be able to discuss your arguments and opinions. When is that possible? When we first trust the person we are talking to, when we have built some kind of understanding with ourselves so that we can be honest that our values, standards, principles, and way of seeing the world are accepted by the other person when we are able to understand the other person and their way of thinking – she adds. Each of us sees the world in our own way. – It’s about respect, trust and letting someone talk and listen – he explains Mazurek-Kucharska.
Time and patience are required
A frequent cause of misunderstanding is the constant rush that accompanies us, resulting in a lack of time to speak up and present our arguments accurately. An obstacle to agreement may also be “task-oriented” – focusing on a specific goal, which is highly valued in the modern age. – Especially when we talk to our relatives, the goal is to exchange opinions and positions on a particular issue – he says Mazurek-Kucharska. However, there are often feelings involved that are hard to control. We usually speak in such a way that we tell about something, and it may be useful to learn how to say how one feels in a given situation – explains the psychologist. Phrases that are perhaps worth remembering, which were mentioned in an interview with Radio Jedynka Mazurek-Kucharska, She: “I feel uncomfortable when you talk to me like that”, “I feel embarrassed”, “I’m sorry.”
The art of talking about emotions
What mistakes do we most often make in our daily conversations? – A common mistake is the personal return. Something we should avoid. When we have strong feelings we tend to say “you are some”, “You are some”, which is not a nice word. It breaks our relationship. It is better to say ““I have a different opinion,” advises Mazurek-Kucharska. – This is a cliched example we often give in negotiations: You can say “It’s a bin full of trash” and you could say “You didn’t take out the trash or you didn’t take it out again.” It means the same situations, but they are packed differently and generate a different kind of emotion, situations between the people conducting the conversation – says Mazurek-Kucharska. The first of these phrases is information, the second – accusation.
Words can calm, and they can also hurt, because feelings carry us. Emotions before thinking. This is how the brain works. It is worth realizing this. Calm down, calm down. I can advise you to talk less, speak slower, speak with a positive attitude and let the interlocutor speak – Mazurek-Kucharska confirms.
Program title: four seasons
led: Joanna Rasewicz
a guest: Dr. Beata Mazurek-Kucharska (WSB University in Warsaw)
Date of issue: 04/28/2022
broadcast time: 9.36